When I graduated from high school last May, I walked across that stage with a million dreams and plans in my head. I had just gotten off of playing one of my dream roles a month earlier and I had a friend group that would cross the earth for me. I was an honors graduate, theatre student of the year, and was headed to the college of my dreams. The day after graduation, I would be whisked away to a two and a half week trip to Europe that was years in the making. I felt adored, important, and on top of the world. My senior year was a dream.
It was only a couple of weeks before the cap and gown were hung and stored away, the yearbook was back on the shelf, and the diploma was tossed in a drawer and it was just me, sitting on my childhood bed and asking myself, “Now what?”. I had no utter clue who I was. My old friends were either in high school or at college, I was freaked out by all the twenty-somethings I now called my peers, and I hadn’t been onstage in months. Everything that I held so dear in high school was stripped away and all that was left was the girl underneath it all. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a stranger.
It’s kind of easy to say you have your identity in Christ when God is following your game plan. Not so much when things aren’t going your way. When this feeling of disappointment set in, I began desperately searching for answers. Why am I so miserable? I blamed my schedule, my friends, my school, and everything else except for myself. It wasn’t till I stumbled upon a song one day on my morning commute that a shift began to take place.
“Pry our fingers from the earthly, oh let us love your glory. Everything is ours, everything is ours in you.” -Christy Nockels, Everything is Mine in You
I began to pray that God would pry my fingers from the earthly and that He would give me a hunger to draw close to him. He spoke into my heart, “If all else is lost, I am enough for you, Emma. I am all you need”.
For the first time in my life, I am seeing the world through His eyes and I firmly believe that I would not have been able to pray that bold prayer had He not taken away everything I used to find my identity in. The minute I handed over all my hopes, plans, and dreams to God, he began to fill my life with more joy and contentment than I had had since graduation, except this time it was rooted in Him, not in my own worldly achievements.
Our Lord is just so faithful and good to his children. He is ready to take care of us, but we have to get out of his way and let him! In our lowest of lows, God is sowing something inside of us, preparing us for the harvest season ahead. Give him your plans. He has far greater for you than you could ever dream up in your head. I promise you won’t regret it.
“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” -Psalm 143:8
finding my light 